Posted by Cindy Best on February 2, 2022

Don’t Say I Told You So.

Don’t you just hate it when you know you made a decision and wish you hadn’t? It just happens in life. One of those decisions should be whether you try mediation to resolve your divorce. After all, what is the harm? See if this makes sense: you give it a go and it does not work. What is the harm? You lost a few hours and a few dollars but now you know what cannot be resolved and what can be resolved. And you have no guilt because you tried. So when your divorce costs $5,000 or $10,000 or more, at least you know you wanted it to be way less expensive and were willing to do it for $2,000 or $3,000 or even less.

There is no downside to trying mediation. If it fails and it rarely fails 100%, you have not really lost anything. Everything is confidential. None of what you tried in mediation can be used in court. Your meditator cannot be a witness. I have seen successful mediations even though the parties doubted it from the get go. When you are in a room with a mediator and you have time to think, time to understand the law, time to understand the risks and rewards of a trial, then maybe, just maybe you don’t need to fight so hard for the “toaster.” Yes, I am here to tell you that you might be feeling like mediation will fail because you are holding onto some item, some issue that actually is bigger than it is. What am I talking about? When couples fight over small things, it is usually related to some other issue such as a power struggle or revenge or lashing out in pain. When you are in a mediation you get to let some of those emotions out, you get to tell your story, you may even come to realize that they don’t serve you well when you are trying to move forward. In a way, mediation lets you cool down, think objectively and ask questions. It is like a time out in the process that may be moving faster than you want it to.

And, at the end of the day, if you don’t want to give up the toaster, you don’t have to. But I guarantee that if a Judge makes you give it up, you have no choice. Wouldn’t you rather be in control? Wouldn’t you rather be able to actually trade the toaster for something you do want? Or be able to keep it by trading it for something your partner wants ? You might be amazed that people don’t usually want all the same outcome. Each spouse usually has what is most important to them and it does not usually match with their spouse. That makes things easier to trade and easier to resolve.

So, give it a go. You can save time,, money and stress. If you never even try, you won’t ever know if it would have worked and you really don’t want to be telling yourself “I told you so.”